


Hunger ❤️

by Rueis



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Theft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-18 18:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3578961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rueis/pseuds/Rueis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peridot discovers the wonders of Doritos but ends up using them in a way they are definitely not meant to be used because of a mistype of words into her communication device.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hunger ❤️

**Author's Note:**

> I regret nothing.
> 
> this is mostly crack tbh, I just, I don't honestly know why the fuck I wrote this anymore.

Peridot had been wandering around since she had escaped the ship crash, she had spotted some humans and they were eating something labeled "Doritos."

At least from what she could see, it was labeled that.

"Status log," Peridot muttered into her arm like a fucking nerd and recorded what she had found.

"Humans have something called Doritos."

Peridot used this "google" function on her wrist device.

Peridot mistyped Doritos and put something else, entirely off.

The device spoke, "dildo, a device used to pleasure the anal area and vaginal area."

Peridot blinked, ah, so primitive earth sex toys, wait, why the hell were people eating them then?

Maybe the humans were too stupid to use them right.

Peridot decided she would buy a bag of these "Doritos" and see for herself.

Peridot walked into the store casually, nothing strange about her, nothing at all.

"Uh, are you one of those crystal gems?" asked the cashier.

"No," Peridot answered, all she wanted was her god damn Doritos, that's all she wanted.

Why did people have to make small talk?

"Give me your Doritos, clearly you all can't use them right," Peridot said as she snapped a finger.

"You want to buy some?"

Peridot then started laughing, "Buy?! No, I'm stealing them."

She realized she shouldn't have announced that because the cashier sounds the alarm and Peridot grabbed five bags of Doritos and took off running.

"Mission was a success," Peridot concluded to herself and she sat behind a tree and looked at the bag.

"Blue Doritos, red Doritos, conclusion, there are many colors of Doritos," Peridot said into the wrist device, honestly she was pretty lonely.

She wished she had her robonoids but she needed to build more.

It was sad to say but she missed their company.

"Alright, these are consumable goods," Peridot announced but the humans were using them wrong.

Peridot jammed one of the Doritos up her ass, not quite understanding the point of this.

"Why would anyone do this?" Peridot asked to herself as she jammed another one of the Doritos up her ass and then decided that she would put the whole bag up her ass.

Peridot poured the Doritos into her ass.

Crushed up Doritos fell in but Peridot still did not understand.

Peridot whispered into her device, "Conclusion, humans are weird."

Peridot stood up and the crushed Doritos fell out of her ass and then she stood there and stared for a bit.

Peridot then crushed them with her foot out of anger.

"I did exactly what earth's primitive wikipedia source said!"

Out of frustration she opened the other bag and dumped a few of the Doritos into her mouth.

Peridot swallowed them and said, "Oh, they are in fact for eating."

Peridot felt embarrassed, thank god no one would ever know.

Or so the green gem thought.

* * *

Steven still wasn't allowed to watch TV but when Amethyst came running from the direction of her room laughing, it was hard to ignore.

"Garnet! Pearl! You have to see the news," Amethyst said between her hysterical laughter.

Pearl and Garnet made an exception with Steven's TV ban.

"Is that...Peridot?"

The TV announced, "Green entity steals Doritos. What does said mysterious creature want with our Doritos?!"

Amethyst then burst out into laughter.

"Well, at least we know she's been spotted," Pearl said.

"M-maybe we can lure her out with d-doritos," Amethyst said as she tried to contain her laughter.

"Amethyst, this is serious."

Though it wasn't a completely ridiculous idea and it was laughable in a way, which was a nice change from all the havoc that had happened recently.


End file.
